My mother had knee surgery in October. By November, my youngest was running Thanksgiving dinner by herself.
It did not happen that fall. It happened over years, and I only saw the shape of it later.
At the start my mother ran everything and my youngest orbited her. Little things first. Biscuits. Basting the turkey. My mother narrated the whole time. My youngest listened more than she cooked.
Then the work started to split. She took over the sides. She started helping plan the oven, which dish went in when so it all came out hot at once. My mother sat down more. Directed from the kitchen table. The questions got fewer.
Then the knee went, and there was no one else at the stove.
Someone sent me a TikTok video about teaching a kid to bake a box cake. First time, the parent does most of it while the child watches. Second time, they split it. Third time, the child bakes it and the parent stays out of the kitchen. Three passes.
The video called it executive functioning. Planning the steps. Holding the sequence. Knowing what goes in the oven before you need it there. A kid learns all of that on a box cake, and the cake is almost incidental.
I have watched leaders skip that same purpose their entire careers. We hand out tasks. We almost never teach the executive function underneath them.
We hand over the cake and call it delegation
Some of us never leave the first pass. It is faster to do it ourselves, and we promise we will teach it properly next quarter. Next quarter we are still holding the spoon.
The rest of us jump straight to the third. Here, you own this now. Good luck. Then we act surprised when it comes out raw in the middle. We gave them the outcome and none of the passes that make the outcome possible.
The middle pass is the slow one. Standing next to someone while they do it worse than you would (and yes, I snatch the spoon back more than I will admit, the same as my mother did at that stove in the beginning). Answering the questions. Letting them ruin one before they get one right. That is the pass that does the teaching, and it is the first thing we cut when we are busy.
What a forced exit reveals
By the time you are pulled out of the kitchen, the teaching is done or it never happened. The exit only tells you which. My youngest was already a cook before the surgery. The surgery just moved up the day I found out.
The real question is a simple one. Does the dinner still happen when you are on the couch with your leg up?
A question for you
When you were last out unexpectedly, sick, traveling, offline, what did your team handle without you, and what fell apart?
Hit reply and tell me. I read every one.